When I was in school, I often heard the phrase, "She thinks she's cute" or "who does she think she is?" If you have ever encountered either phrase as a bystander or the topic of conversation, you no doubt understood the speaker's intention. Our Queen of Hip-Hop Soul, Mary J. Blige, called it "Hateration." It happens to the best of us. Even I throw the occasional eye-roll toward the perfectly coifed, vegan, Insta model snapping selfies during spin class. True story. I will only go to the gym after hours and on weekends to avoid the Insta model work-day.
I hope you have listened to the Season 1 Finale of Imagine Me by this time. If not, go back and listen to our breakdown of jealousy and envy. We spoke about becoming aware of the underlying issues-insecurity and possessiveness. As an extension of that podcast, I hope I have some journaling strategies to help you tame the green monster from within.
As you can guess by the title, you must start journaling if you don't already. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. A notebook, composition book, or even a word processor on a computer or phone works just fine. Write about how you felt in the moment. Be as descriptive as possible.
Record everything you noticed about the person you felt jealous about: physical features, clothing, etc. What were the person's best features? What was the worse?
Next, record your appearance along the lines that you described the subject of your jealousy. Think about your own best and worst attributes.
Next, note all the significant characteristics that the person demonstrates. For instance, humorous, appears confident, or outgoing.
Now, jot down all of your best characteristics. Some may be the same as the person you have described. Additionally, process what is unique about you.
Open yourself to the idea that you have as much to offer as the other person. As you journal about the qualities you admire in the other person, you must consider your positive traits. You are not comparing yourself to this person; instead, you are identifying your pulses.
As you write, take time to explore what made you feel threatened. If there is something the other person can offer that you can't, what is it? Is it something you can work toward accomplishing? For example: if the person is in good physical condition, are you willing or able to put in the effort to work toward that as well. If you are, it's entirely possible that you can improve your physique. On the other hand, if the person is 6' 3" and you are 5' 7", this is a characteristic you will have to accept.
After you have summed up your positive traits, you should discover there are no real concrete reasons that the other person is better than you.
The goal of journaling is to resolve challenging issues that you have experienced. As you engage in this process, you will notice that you feel more comfortable and realize that everyone has good points and areas that can be improved.
Recognition of your feelings of jealousy allows you to take the power from beliefs that breed insecurity. Once you have become aware, you can create an individualized plan for how you can overcome your feelings of jealousy. You may include statements like, "Ask them about their fitness routine."
Allow yourself to let go of the jealous feelings. Now that you have journaled, you will be ready to let go of those uncomfortable emotions.
Although jealousy is normal, it can still be overwhelming to experience a range of emotions over some time. My wish for you is access and insight into the root of your jealousy. Only then can you leave insecurity behind you. Remember, you are worthy. You are valued. You are loved. Peace Fam.